Accept the problem if you want the addict to accept it.

It is hard to admit reality, so the problem is denied. Pride, shame or pain from betrayed trust do not allow a minimum of objectivity at first: he is not like the others.

The problem can be denied in many ways, for example, downplaying it, claiming that it is something for young people, thinking that with age these behaviours resolve themselves, looking the other way… Accepting the situation is opening your eyes to the reality that the addict lives. Accept the person in front of you, not the one in your head.

Love the addict with responsible love.

In 2010, John Kent Harrison directed the film When Love Is Not Enough. We often need a different concept of love. We believe that to love is to endure without limits, to sacrifice ourselves… This idea of ​​love is not mature but is not enough to help an addict. The addicted person will try to manipulate us repeatedly, and we must love them responsibly and intelligently. To love does not mean to be deceived.

Setting limits and keeping them firmly is the best way to show love to that person. Please don’t make it easy for him. If you don’t do your part, you don’t enjoy the comforts of home: food on the table, clean sheets, a hot water bath, money in your pocket… Either you help, or you look for a life elsewhere. The limits are clear: I will not give you what you need to continue consuming.

Seek specialized help

Many people continue to understand that addiction is a vice, not a disease. And that is why they relate to the addict from a moral paradigm in which they reprimand, humiliate, punish, compare… They believe that in this way, they will be able to make him react. No matter how much you love him, a disease is not cured with advice and affection. You have to put yourself in the hands of specialists (doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists…); only specialized help will end the addiction disease.

Do not be discouraged if the addict does not want to go to a centre specializing in addictions; this is normal at first; This is the denial phase. The important thing is that the family participates. He will come later. 

Face the situation with the addict.

Don’t be willing to do everything for him without him (the addict). Speak, and communicate with the addicted person decisively and without fear to put his reality before him, knowing that he will most likely continue to deny it. Do not forget that, in the first phase, the general characteristic of the addict is denial, lies, victimhood and manipulation. He points to specialized help as the only possible solution and does not negotiate it.

The detoxification treatment is a long job where you must put in much effort and patience. Be wary of magic solutions. No matter how well you see the patient, his head needs time.

Firmly demonstrate the resolution to refuse to live with the drug.

Some family members do not firmly maintain the attitude of rejecting the addiction. Some days they are permissive to the addict, and the next day, they make drastic decisions in the face of the same problem. This double message goes against the recovery of the person. Family members must form a block and be firm, maintain the decision of not wanting to live with drugs, alcohol, gambling…

It is also very important to bear with patience and fortitude the tenacious insistence of the addict to abandon treatment, judge everything that sounds like therapy absurd, question their therapists or rehabilitation methods, and complain about everything done in the centre.

In reality, you want to escape control or generate the discomfort you need to justify your next consumption. To do this, they will threaten reprisals, attempt blackmail, pit parents and siblings against each other, and form alliances with other people (grandparents, partners, friends) to sabotage the firmness of the family and end up getting away with it.

New patterns of life

When he starts his treatment, show yourself to be a collaborator when it comes to eliminating all the toxins from your house, reorganizing his new schedules and occupations, and increasing his participation in family life. It is necessary to seek a union in daily activities: work, leisure, etc.

Also, set clear limits which do not lend themselves to interpretations, as indicated by their therapists. And, above all, if he doesn’t do his part, you do yours and do everything the therapeutic program asks of you.

Similarly, you should verify their claims because the addict is a mythomaniac and tends to lie or exaggerate. The money he manages must be carefully controlled; he must not be left alone or with toxic companies, etc.